OneWoman's Story

One Woman's Story

The Dinner Date


The Next Page

Bridal Theology

Beginning Again


Fidelity Test




Something every soul of humanity seeks. From the paternal safe provisional, comfort and support and encouragement of a parent to mold us as children to define and affirm us as we grow, to the life mate choices of the adult. We seek out life mate for companionship, for support, for intimacy, for a sense of belonging, and for the one covenantal command of God from the days of Eden; to continue to multiply upon this earth. For where it not for fertile couples, humanity might cease in less than fifty years and most certainly in less than a hundred.

Love is what is sought to bring pleasure into an otherwise gray world of work-a-day doldrums filled with the stresses of getting, buying and selling.  Such stresses have stopped many a heart in these evil days.

Women and love seem especially bound together.  Women seem to need the strong hand of a father whose leading and support never violates never intrudes upon maidenly virtues and tender hearts who’s reaching like the vine are easily damaged by rough, rude and uncaring hands.  Once damaged these tendrils of trust may take a lifetime to be emended and some never do. 

Women look for and desire the strong hand of a mate who like their father is the soul of encourage and he fortress of protection but also the oasis of fulfillment and delight. Seeing as it is said the little girls are made of sugar and spice and every things nice; sugar and spice is the delight of a ladies heart.  Yet to many marriages end up being nightmares for women whose hearts have fame into hands of violence and rage ad hatred. Moreover women whose tendril of trust were damaged badly enough as children may have a warped impression of love. 

So now we find matrimony is no longer so holy and marriage on longer so binding or sacred.  But there are hands whose heart is eternal. Who touches with respect to the delicate soul of a daughter sister or bride.  These hands belong to the Creator of all things. One who is both above and among all that exists.

In the delicate intricacies of ecosystems and newborn babes we find a wisdom and compassion unmatched in all humanity.  A humanity singularly designed to display the face of God Almighty yet singularly lacking the fathomless heart beating out love with no strings attached.

I offer to the longing or broken heart of a lady, the hands of the Lord of Glory. 

I offer you Jesus.

This is but One Woman’s Story of a series of divine encounters with the Living God as well as the scriptural truth revealed.

But before I get into this I must state that this is subjective in the telling of the experience and some folks might have a problem with experiencing the person and or nature of God.  In John chapter 17 Jesus prays that we should be one with Him a He is with the Father, He declares this truth that to know (ginosko or experience) the One True and Living God and Jesus whom He sent was eternal life.  in Eph1:2-21 we are seated with Him in heavenly places in Jesus far above all dominion and rule. This for the purpose of fellowship with God.  Many have declared that experiencing God is a risky thing and so it is for the enemy is ever mindful to deceive you and cause you to no longer trust and thus never fully experience this glory of knowing God both in the fellowship of suffering and in the power of His resurrection.  But to those who can both understand and believe that the scriptures are not merely the be all and end all of Christ and that God gave us the ability to know what is His truth and what’s not and to those  hunger for more than words read on.

It started with a dance many years back in the early1990s in a small Church of God right up in plain view of the entire congregation during praise and worship.  Here I was worshipping my little heart out desperate to know more than a sterile book of words and suddenly there He was!  The King of Glory, the Ancient of Days, the Creator of life standing before me clad in a simple white robe and sandals with an ear to ear google-eyed grin on His face, arms wide open and my response was "Why hello, there you are!"  Now most folk would be absolutely terrified but I was totally unafraid, in fact I was absolutely delighted to see Him!  He stood there with the backdrop of the altar area and platform behind Him and the strains of a countrified rendition of  "This is the day that the Lord has made" playing in the background.  It was all rather breathtaking to me as I was so taken with the whole thing quite failing to recall my place in polite church society.  (One doesn't usually talk to thin air you know) that is until He extended His hand toward me like to a dance partner and then …. I remembered where I was!   "Dance????!!!!!"  ME?????!!!!!   I stood there for what seemed an eternity till I got this nudge in the ribs and the voice in my ears "well are you going to dance with Him or do you need an engraved invitation!!!????"  I later learned that what we danced that day is called the two step!   I don't know anything about country western type dancing let alone two stepping!   But we did we danced to the gates of praise and courts of thanksgiving!  And then He kissed me!   When the music ended and reality came back and I backed up to the pew and sat down He backed up over to the low prayer bench right at the altar and sat there with this ridiculous school boyish grin plastered on His face and I was as red as a beet!  I felt like the schoolgirl who got caught kissin' on a boy in the girl's bathroom or something!  The emotions i felt that morning I remember today even as I write. I was all excited and giggly inside like soda pop in a bottle after being shaken.  It was fabulous!  What followed was a realization that He is as real as you or I.  I had discovered the Jesus of the gospels who ate drank slept and lived with His disciples in the physical world and had apparently kept up with the dance steps throughout the ages and whose kiss was like no others! Who is the express image of the invisible God.

The years and trials passed by and I might have forgotten about all this except that the fruit of the encounter changed how I viewed the scriptures and the person of Jesus.  I saw Him again many times but I also saw angels, demons all kinds of things in what might be called the "valley of vision" and then for a long time I lost all sense of Him or anything else. But I was falling in love slowly with this Jesus who had made Himself known in all reality to me. I had a period of time where my sanity was tested it to its limits and beyond though I lost all hope He never failed me but delivered me from bondage and the need of medications for Bipolar 1 Disorder. Then I went to college to get a Bachelors Biblical Studies and there had another encounter with the KING OF LOVE.  This time I was in the upper sanctuary of a Baptist church where Trinity International University had its college classes being held.  In the back behind the pews I was worshipping Him when He showed up. It was the most incredible touch of fire I had ever had in a kiss!  My whole soul and spirit came alive!!! I was quite literally floored! It was glorious!  As I lay there afterward blushing feeling for all the world like I had just been with a real flesh and blood person whose presence made me just come all unglued there in the back of a church!!!  Point in fact as far as my poor yet sanctified soul knew … I guess I had!   Point in fact as far as my poor yet sanctified soul knew … I guess I had!   Many are the entries on my personal journal of experiential things like the wine of Spirit and seeing Him in person in all His vastness which left me so utterly entranced that my heart nearly stopped!  On that day I was in that back pew area again when in the thrall of worship I whispered that I would like to see him to the limits of my humanity.  One ought to be careful what one asks for ….one just might be answered!  He is endless!  I finally gaspingly cried out "where do you begin where do you end?!"  I felt like the tiny earthworm next the shoe of a grown man looking up and up and out and up and out and at length I fell forward hearing my heart beat slow down dangerously but just as I thought I was dying, I felt a jolt pass through me and I was shaky and weak but I had survived, I had seen Him in the flesh and I was alive.  I saw from the hem of His robe to the top of His mouth.  Beyond that the light of His face was more than my eyes could see anything in.  This radiance did not surprise me however. For in all truth I had seen Him in radiant light once before not long after I was saved.  I was in the worship service during a time when the Spirit was moving mightily and having been slain the Spirit laying in the Spirit on the floor of a messianic synagogue I saw a blinding light and then He moved His head and I saw Him…  it was not easy to see the source of the light within the very epicenter of its radiance but He is able to cause our little eyes to see even if they don't want to!  But for me to see Him in this magnitude or today to even recall the image hurts my head for the vastness of it all!

But I graduated and became an ordained minister in a small church and it was at the height of service in this ministry that I had yet another encounter with The KING OF LOVE.  I had studied Song of Songs done a whole work up it but this was beyond what I had even considered.  I have a friend of Internet who started sending these posts about His fabulous passion for the bride to me.  I fought the content because it sounded so base so sexual in tone!  I fought tooth and nail with this poor woman whom today I am glad to say is a close sister in the Lord to me, one of several!  Well I was miserable for months as I fought this unseemly move of God. But God would not be moved!  Then came the first kiss on my little post in full view of the world!  I am by trade a school crossing guard attached to the precinct of Hollywood Florida and I have two, two hour shifts of service five days weekly during the school year!  It is here on this new post a four way stop with cars coming and going that He kissed me.  Now I have been kissed before and it usually melted my spirit or my soul or even the sweetest burning in my heart of devotion and lava hot love for my Beloved but this went beyond anything I had ever heard of!  This bled through like ink on thin paper from Spirit through soul straight into flesh!    He played every one of my hearts strings until I could have sung opera if I'd a mind to.  He went beyond that till I was desperate to find my husband!   Suffice it say Jesus Christ wrote the book of love and there aint no living being that can kiss like He can!

But I was all at once aroused and mortified!  I mean to tell you this cannot be God I thought!!  I still wonder!   I had been taught that God was HOLY and this was flesh and no flesh shall glory in God!  while that's true on one level theologically, for true flesh will never glory in God.  Yet here I was experiencing this divine and beautiful thing physically!  So how is what I have always believed defined?  Is it that flesh shall never resonate the glory of God that has been captured in spirit and soul or does it mean that flesh shall never go to the place of glory?  For when we shall be with Him we shall be transformed from a corruptible perishable flesh and blood body which is inferior and ever dying to a immortal imperishable superior model of what we basically are right now without gender.   So then what of what I was experiencing?  Is it possible that this could be of God?!!!   I pled the blood, I bound the devil, I did every spiritual gymnastic I could think of to get this flesh thing to stop and He relentlessly and most marvelously went blithefully on playing with my whole being like a finely tuned harp!

Mind you, I have to cross kids, I have to watch the traffic as kids approach and all this is going on in me as I am working!  I developed a fond admiration and love for Polaroid sunglasses for at least them my eyes weren't seen.  I might control my facial expressions and body language but the eyes will roll back as wave after wave of ecstasy simply rolls and washes all over me! Still I have BA in biblical studies and I had never ever heard of this before in my life.  Now to dance with Him well that might be construed as prophetic as I have seen many things since that marvelous dance. Later on I will share what I found as I went to the word and found that I would have to redefine my ideas of God in order to understand what on earth was happening to me.

Then came the dinner date.

The Dinner Date

 Thursday September 24 2003

I am so excited I can hardly wait!!!  I am like a giddy schoolgirl going out on her first date… I am going on a date with Jesus!!!!!!  The nails, the hair, manicure, pedicure all the girlie things women do for a man I get to do for the KING of KINGS and the LORD of LORDS!!!!!!  It's so exciting… I am glad this machine has an auto spell checker because I am just gushing my thoughts and words out.  I will come wearing a black floor length dress with this really pretty floral design on the front as if I were dating my husband….  I mean to tell you I have no idea what will happen.

I am having a dinner date and the menu includes; Lamb with turnip greens for the dinner, raisins, figs and apples for desert and a whole bottle of Welch’s sparkling red grape juice! Passover meets Song of Songs!!!!!    All day He has been nibbling on my heart!  He is so irresistible and impossible!!!!!!  But He's my wonderful beautiful BOYFRIEND!!!!! (Albeit I must also say that He is sovereign, holy, beyond all things. He is the Savior and the Lord of my life but this is a purely subjective moment of intense revelation)  Ohhhhhhhhh   the God of all creation wants to be my boyfriend!!!!!!    God I feel so …honored and special!!!   I have never really dated a man who I was attracted to or had feelings for or like that so this is all a first for me.  My daughter is helping me tonight.  My  church is a training ministry and she's a Jr.  Usher so she ought to be able to handle what I've assigned to her.  She will help with the dishes so I don't have to like break out on the date but its 4:58 EST and He said He would pick me up…. 8 PM SHARP!!!!!!!!!   (Which I take to mean that I should be sitting down to dine by then)   Ohhhhhhhhhh I am shaking all a quiver with anticipation and excitement…. 

Everything the enemy can do to ruin the mood he is now doing!!!!!!!!!!!!    I lost my earring to my regular earrings and it's a special earring which means I cant wear the other tomorrow and so I really need to find it, but I cant find it anywhere and it is bothering me.  I may have lost it, but I am trying not to let it destroy the date.  Must fly times a wasting…. 5:30 PM 


I had the most sumptuous dinner with the King dear one….  I mean to tell you food as sensual!!!!!!    Ohhhhh  it was COMMUNION!!!!!!   Ssssssssooooooooooooooo  HOLY!!!!!   Holy,holy,holy,holy!!!!!!!   Sure I lifted each bite full but it's as if He was feeding me.  "He that eats MY body and drinks MY blood has Eternal life" John 6:64 went through my mind.   I recall that Lamb itself was used in the original communion until the Diaspora that lasted till the 1940s.  Somewhere along the line they went to Matzah and wine.  But the LAMB...   and the WINE!!!!!!  Welch’s, sparkling red grape juice.  I had the WHOLE BOTTLE ohhhh it was the BOMB!!!!!    And there's no alcohol in it at all!

Dear sisters do not fear to give yourselves as the living sacrifice to the King and let His desire ravish you…

What on earth did that feel like? You may ask, was it a sexual experience?  Not at all!!!!    Its was torrential river of raw power and glory that suddenly… well imagine you are a thimble with a tiny hole in your bottom and the entire Atlantic or maybe Pacific were to pour into and through you ALL AT ONCE!!!!!!!  Ohhhh Air!!!!!!! You drown but you don't want to come up for AIR!!!!   Not once, not twice, but thrice have I been thus blessed with the WORD the SPERMA Word!   And I feel like a WOMAN!

Everything changed after that night.  It has remained changed.  I no longer am doing things that a mere betrothed would do I am more spousal than intended in my dealing from God and I mean to tell you it's the oddest thing.  In order to live in this new reality I am constantly having to reassess old thinking and reevaluate old teaching and what I find in simply biblical digging is that His ideas of purity and holiness without which God and I have no relationship are not what we have been taught.  Not entirely!  But what do I know?  For I am surely still at the beginning of this most, marvelous journey not the end.

The Next Page

Since posting my story on the Internet, I have had a lot of flack and reason to have my faith tested ... tested it is!  I reflect upon this unusual grace accorded me and note that I did not seek this in fact I fought it as profane.  But in the midst of all this, a wondrous gem took place. The very one who had this tempestuous affair with me on my post, one morning, said to me "I need to introduce you to Father." Ohhhhh sisters I mean to tell you Father is so much different than the BRIDEGROOM. That day I discovered the effect of the words "peace be still".  I discovered the peace Jesus said He gives to us and that it is not a peace the world can ever give!  I discovered why the one whose name is Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace is so named.  He who is the Child born and the Son given....  Isaiah Chapter 9. This is none other than Jesus.  The word peace in the Greek Jesus used to still the storm is sopaio properly meaning muteness i.e. involuntary stillness or inability to speak (siope or silence) and then to be still phimoo or phimos to muzzle.  In other words as one person put it to me PUT A MUZZLE ON IT!  That morning God the Father led me to face down some fears from my past...  I had a major panic attack that was so bad I thought I was going to go into cardiac arrest!  Right them the famous wings of the Almighty wrapped around me and the voice sounded all through me "Peace Be Still".  And like the storm on lake Galilee I went from tempest to flat glass! In the beat of my heart!  Siope kai phimos!!!!!!  For the Greeks out there.... grin! The muzzle went on and the storm died away.   I nearly melted into the sidewalk.   There was nothing sexual about Father and you can readily agree that this is the God you know.  If so, explain to me please how it is that a demon introduced me to the Father when the scripture says explicitly that NO man can come to the Father except by the son (Jn 14:6).  This one who said to me "I need to introduce you to the Father" is the same one whose affections for me I have told of.  This is personal and private yet it is also written this: Matt 10:27 "what I tell you in darkness that speak in the light; what you hear whispered in your ear proclaim upon the house tops."  The verses 24 through 28 are good reading for I am NOT above my beloved who is also my MASTER.  As I write this I am reminded that it was said of Jesus who cast out demons that He did so by the power of Beelzebub that He was a son of Belial.  If He was besmirched by his elders in this manner, then I too am proud to be considered in the same boat.  Paul was similarly dragged thought it as an apostle of grace by the Jews as a heretic!  That makes me pause and wonder for it seems as though some may have cause to not believe.  I am also reminded of the John 6:64 through 6:66....  Jesus told the disciples a number that was growing that anyone who ate His flesh and drank His blood had eternal life in Him.  At this saying many disciples who formerly followed Him followed Him no more!  Interesting that He is again called a demon.  I don't believe I cannot be deceived in fact I have had much pause to wonder what in the world I am entertaining and continue to worship.  But I make this statement and stand by it.  The same God, who kissed me, in my mind, is the same God who saved me by sacrificing Himself on the cross for my sins!  If I leave this intimate romance, which is not all sexual anymore, it's the comfort of knowing Him intimately and having rendered to Him from the heart my whole being spirit soul and body!  Most people would run if Jesus ever gave them a kiss....  So He most likely will never kiss them and they are content.  I was kissed and I had reactions of which I have shared...  instead of running I chose to offer the reaction up to God as my way of responding to being loved deeply and completely and may I say that this was ever so much more than a created being could ever give.  I know the demonic junk....  its all about getting off....  its the urge to "do it" with come what may and its filthy!!!!!! It is why we have pornography today.  This was not that. This was being loved deep in my blood bought Christ sanctified spirit and soul and having been so profoundly touched that I reacted.  I chose in that moment to give Him praise to call out His name and give thanks to Him regardless of what I thought caused it.  I don't believe this is the greatest of glories to have reactions as a woman but I took the gift of the ability to love as a woman and gave it back to God.  I was wooed, I was romanced, I was wedded in my whole heart to Him and I have the memory of this love to cherish for all eternity.  Now when I think of Jesus my bridegroom my heart trips like a lovers heart...  I have energy, and feel ten feet tall.  There is a sparkle in my eye and a spring in my step when I know my Beloved is near me....  when I think of Him I am more than a conqueror...  this is what remains for me.  It's not a high in the sky holy its a down to earth reality that transcends time and space for me. 

If this is Satan then Satan got access to the Father for me that I cannot comprehend and my Father has deceived and shamed me.  Since it is not in His nature to be thus unless I have shown myself to be deceitful with Him in which case He has every right to be perverse with me!  So it is written. If I leave this I leave Jesus Christ. To me He is the lover of me.  I can and have known such profound deceit that I struggle to trust in the nature and the heart of God.  I depend on Him for every breath I take every encounter in the spiritual to be as a shield about me the glory and lifter of my head.  But it in no way diminishes the experience I have had.  Every now and again He will sing me a song or give me a kiss or a touch that reminds me that I am MY BELOVED'S but He is not mine and His desire is FOR ME!

Say what you will lambaste me accuse me through me through with the Word or cast me out a profane but I will trust the Lord who uses these things to slay my selfish pride...  For how can I say I am become a spectacle if I am never made a spectacle and there are those who will treat me worse than this.  But to you who have cause to cry out against this love....  Anytime you would like to get to know the lady behind the post I am here.  I am not perfect and you will find that put in the first moment you talk to me, in fact I am the worst candidate for such a grace as this but here I am and here I shall have to stand.

Bridal Theology

The bridal relationship is not mere salvation however you must be Born Again in Jesus Christ and He must be Lord of your life and you must be in the process of willingly and fully submitting to Him and have been baptized into His death (Romans chapter 6) and be both in the scriptures applying diligent study of them to your life lest you be deceived, and be in the process of what folk call sanctification in order to be in a god position where this unique calling and or experience will be less likely to be defiled.

When we think of Rev 3:20 we think salvation because we were conditioned to think thusly but the breaking of bread and sharing of cup is not for the sinner per say....  He broke His bread with his own both before and after He rose again. Therefore communion is not for the unsaved but for the saved. For salvation, the blood of the broken bread and spilled cup must be applied to the doorway of the heart of the "God-made" penitent.  In fact Paul warns us about taking the physical communion without discernment of the body and blood that this cup of blessing might also become a curse that causes sickness and death if not properly entered into.   Can one whom is as yet unregenerated in the blood and dead in sin discern the person and sacrifice and body and blood of Christ?     When was the last time you saw a pig fly with wings?  ((Sure a pig can fly if you launch it out of a catapult but with wings???!!!!  You would have to have ingested something powerful indeed to see that!)) 

Therefore the body that broke and the blood that spilt having become the covering for you and the nourishment of you, flowing in you as Living Water now in the Holy Spirit, now begins this sublime consumption of you as you consume Him.  He that eats my body and drinks my blood has everlasting life in ME, John 6:64 yet we are the living sacrifice of Rom 12:1 that is a whole burnt offering to be consumed in FIRE.  Why?  For Our God IS a consuming fire!   The fire has a name and its also the reason why He is so jealous for His own....   its called LOVE!

Many a woman has read the Song of Songs and just sighed at the poetic language, many a man has just rolled his eyes.  I have learned that there are servants, sons and bride and all these comprise the manifold body of Christ.  It is to the bride that this is addressed.

In Song of Songs the verses open with the desirous exclamation of the woman.  "May He kiss me with the kisses of His mouth."   Now it is said that this is metaphorical or a type or simile or figurative speech, but I was asked how in the world could a God whose whole book is based on literalisms become suddenly in the midst of the thing figurative?  He can’t.

It has been suggested then if literal that this is a symbol of the church or the believer and Christ. It has also been suggested that one very great application is that of a marriage manual.  If there is a symbolism it is in the journey speaking to the development of the believer classified as the bride.  If this were not so why then do we find the book located where we find it? In the Jewish Tanach it is listed between Job and Ruth and is considered one of the megillot or scrolls.  In our bibles it comes right after the proverbs and before the first and possibly most major prophet in the Old Testament. One of the compilers of the commentaries of the Old Testament or Midrash or Talmud was Rabbi Akivah who spoke of this book as being the Holy of Holies of scripture.  

Akivah was on the right track.  Some have suggested that the kiss is the impartation of knowledge or words from God to man.  This would be fine and I accepted that explanation till today.  Kiss (Strong's Number: 05401) Nashaq   to put together, to kiss, to touch gently, to handle, be equipped with to be equipped. It's a literal kiss here ladies.   Now you might say, "oh go take a shower get a room" but wait there's more. 

Psalms 2:12 Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and ye perish from the way, when his wrath is kindled but a little. Blessed are all they that put their trust in him.  Remember this?  It's a part of worship isn't it?

So if this is pleasing to the Son whose honoring and pleasure pleases the Father as having faith in God.  What are we having all these problems with?

Now one who has kissed the son may well be a bride.  Or a Queen.  Yesterday I was taken on a little journey through Psalms 45.  Being as this is Teshuvah and that psalm is one of the ones I read at this time he had me look into the aspects of the Queen and the advise to the daughter of the King. 

Daughters of kings are among the King's courtiers but the queen stands on His right in gold of Ophir. This is appropriate enough because the word for queen is Shegal from the primary root word shagalShegal is queen (from cohabitation) whereas shagal its root means to copulate with, be ravished by.  Ophir gold was at the time of this writing the finest purest costliest gold that existed, there was no more a quality product than gold of Ophir mines.  This woman and women stands to His right as He stands to the right of the Father.   The next several versus are a telling portrait of the queen. 10 Listen, O daughter, give attention and incline your ear: Forget your people and your father's house; 11 Then the King will desire your beauty. Because He is your Lord, bow down to Him. Its as if the father of the "would be" queen is giving his daughter away at a royal wedding and is giving her advice. In fact one is made to wonder if these weren't some of the words that Mordecai said to Esther.  She is told to forget or be separated from her people and fathers house from her own people and lands to become, as the Kings would have her to be. This is the same type of separation Abraham endured before his greatness. The word forget (Strongs # 7911) is Shakach to forget, ignore, and wither to literally forget and put out from mind all that was hers in order to conform to the King. So that king she is going to will desire (Strongs #183) avah a primary root word meaning to wish for covet (greatly) desire be desirous long lust after) her beauty Strongs 3308 yophi or literal beauty like Esther. Therefore she is to bow down (bow) (strongs # 7812) to bow down (figuratively) to depress to bow down, prostrate oneself before superior in homage before God in worship, before false gods, before an angel. Because He is her Lord. That word is Adonai the name for Jehovah 13 The King's daughter is all glorious [K'buwddah (Strongs # 03520) abundance, riches, wealth gloriousness, glorious] within; Her clothing is interwoven (intermingled or a gold spun linen or silk fabric) with gold.

This is the bride who many found to be a silly lily in the field or a crushable saffron plant in the plains….   The servants thought she was a weed and uprooted her the farmer thought she was nuisance and banned her. The watchmen on the wall beat her.  But in the end she is the one he chose to outfit in gold.  The golden garment is also the garment of the priest.  The priest wore the linen and the gold ceremonially before the Lord.  The linen speaks to the priestly portion of the sacrificial offerings and the blood making the soul clean.  The Gold speaks to the kingly aspect of regal bearing and power with God on earth. 

So let the ravishment begin!

Beginning Again

Things had become somewhat serious between my Beloved and I until the persecution and I fell in my doubts and began to wonder what if any of the first night was real but I decided to put my trust in my Beloved.   Tonight 12/12/03 we came together for another dinner date but this was so much different than the last one.  Again I consumed the LAMB and again I drank the “blood of the grape” it was not sensual this time it was a mere delight to be with Him.  Yet the bond of love was definitely there.  Tonight is was chilly in our local so when getting cozy I was under my blanket.  I enjoyed the apples and honey and the chocolate covered almonds with cheese.  We talked and then He loved me…   nothing sexual at all nothing sensual just the power and the glory and the fire infusing me infilling me roaring through me flowing like a river through body and soul! 

He has loved me more deeply than before and I am different now.  But He was gentle tonight for the sorrow of the things that have happened.  There were no bitter herbs tonight it was more of a communion than anything else and He kissed me.  It was pure and holy and delightful.  Ohhh how I laughed tonight and what joy and delight He was to me tonight. 

I have been blessed to be called again unto my Beloved to be graced in His arms and then I saw His wings!  Like the garment He wore they were glisteningly golden!  I have seen the Holy Spirit and felt the Fathers wings but until tonight I never saw them in the Son my Beloved.

What a mystery Our God the more you think you know the more you discover the wonderment of the mystery which is Our God!



The years have ticked by since I first wrote of my encounter with Our Beloved King.  As I write I am on a train bound for Deland Florida to see good friends and have good fellowship and be availed for the Lords work.

It is January 2007, and I have known a quality of love I never dreamt possible.  How quickly it moved from the first kiss that so ravished my flesh to a deep abiding and  greater scope of clarity and sanity than I even could have ever imagined.

After leaving the ministry where in I was blessed to be crucified I have walked very much alone with Him.  But though there have been dark nights of soul and spirit that taught me to understand the dry and thirsty seasons of the human condition and though many have not understood me and though I have been torn from the world in a seeming cruelty unparalleled yet the trade off now in this moment of time seems to be the best thing I ever had!   But there is a price for what I am becoming.  To Love Him meant to lose everything else.   As the miles tick by in a blur outside my cabin window and I listen to my tunes on my little MP3 player I type reflecting on where I have walked in the four years.

What was a clinging desire to be my Beloveds with the frantic thinking that I might not be received or loved and thinking I needed to be more than I was is slowly giving way to a sense of acceptance wit the slow forming understanding that He is the sanctifier of the soul and not I.  

I have lived in a razors edge of financial ruin often times crying in the night over the fear of not knowing where the next bill provision would come from.  My husband got laid off a job after 13 years service with out so much as a how do you do.  This made him get serious and launch a business as a mobile computer repair specialist….  Something he had always played with on the side…but with no savings to speak of living the dream of a man who is very laid back was a major nerve wrack for my poor heart! For now that I had accepted His love I had to risk trusting Him as my sole provider not looking to man whose wedding ring I had the matching ring in the set, but to God my Husband alone.  Today I ride this train because we had to do the unthinkable…. Increase or mortgage and become equity poor so we could have a savings to live on.  But this is a borrowed time clock at best for if the business doesn’t grow or if the Lord doesn’t move in a major way soon….  We will be in worse straits but for now, I type (smile).   

I still find I have as I type this lingering trust issues even though I have known a security in His love that is greater than any human being could ever manage to give me.  But out of this seemingly torrid love affair has come a different love.  One night recently I was online in a chat room and I was suddenly consumed with that Father Our Creator had this insane love for all living things.  Moreover for His Creation who uniquely bears His image as human kind and incredibly to the point of sheer mad passion of jealous holding for those who are considered Elect.  Those He has received into the hand of Christ are the moist doted upon loved cherished blessed people on the face of the Earth!   I was beside myself as I sat there and I came totally undone and since that night I see in me a change in my attitude toward man.

Before that night He had made me to understand that to be the Kings beloved was to be His queen and to be a queen meant that His people would be mine.  But what was in sheer obedience and now slowly began to be a burden of caring and once the understanding had come a sense of love now enfolds me in a different way.

How He and I care and relate to all the peoples or the “peeps” for He drives my heart to.  Now He begins to speak to me of entering into His Glory.  

In the meantime there are times of love when He touches me in spirit soul and body and ohhhh  the feelings that are kindled the passions of a satisfaction mere intercourses of bodies will never meet.  Indeed He has ruined me for ought else but His touch and all He need do is speak or brush against my spirit with the essence of His loveliness and time seems to stop for me, and I am weakened by His incredulous beauty!    All the Song of Solomon and Psalms ever implied or even spoke of are true Beloved of God for He is and in living color!

And as this romance continues revelation flows and the so called gifts of 1 Corinthians 12 also seem to flow freer than they have in a long time.

Fidelity Test

Hitherto I have touted the “fragrance of Wine”  But Now I place before you meat!

James 2:10 tells us that if anyone living according to the Law the Mosaic Law violates even on point said person is guilty of violating the whole Law because the whole Law is a unbroken commandment or one either is a love or dead pregnant or not male or female.  These are absolutes.  This is principle and covenant law in action. 

Two days ago I was asked if I would give up the “romance or sexual side or bridal arousal” of this revelation or union with Jesus and I said “Yes” and gave it back to Him.  I bade Him take back this aspect.  I thought nothing of it in that moment but in the next moment I would live to rue my decision.

Little did I understand the relation ship between God and His expression of Himself to us.  Little did I know I was about to walk head long into Divine Revelation.  For quite literally in one moment of time I “knew” I had given away “something precious”  Something so precious words will never adequately describe it completely. 

I was suddenly in one fell moment naked blind deaf dumb cold miserable and scared out of my mind.  For now I could feel the awe the terror the nightmare of the power of God in its raw form as He is in that He wraps Himself in darkness as cloak or as In David’s psalms the One before whom fire goes forth and devours.  I was now devoid of love hope joy peace endurance patience unable to withstand in the place of the gap where I have been for months for a precious ministry.  Unbelievably God’s holy armor came off me! ( A fact that low down snake in the grass cheatin’ good for nothing lying thief of an opportunistic devil took full advantage of!) I was without energy in fact I could hardly stay awake at all as depression oppression fatigue and the whole weight of battle hit me all at once and knocked me for  a loop!  (point: I am still very tired but I am energized)  I was miserable alone afraid and confused.  I wrote three friends one responded and I found out that in this position confusion is  contagious! 

You see my dear reader He asked me “Would I give it up not to give it up and the question along with it was what was more important “it” or Him?   “It” was all the feelings associated with the Union of the “marriage” Christ in me Glory’s hope.  This is that fragrance of Wine I boasted of in the beginning what I gave up.  To me it was like losing a blessing and birthright for in this I lost the ability to know God’s love period and now I just had the holiness and power and glory all shut away in darkness surrounding. Now understand I did not lose my salvation nor did I lose my inheritance or place in the kingdom I lost the expression of it as it were.

Here’s the lesson.

The question applied was which was more important the love or the giver of the love?  My response will always be the giver of the love but the giver of the love and the love given are inextricably linked.  He is in His expressions of love for His essence is love.  What we experience in the Holy Spirit is the expression of Himself who created us died for us and fills us. 

Thus one tiny seemingly insignificant facet given away as quickly as it was because it was not understood robbed me temporarily of everything having to do with that facet of Him. 

So I admonish you all guard well the precious insights and revelation of God that you get don’t cast them before the multitudes cherish and honor them for He is in them and they speak of Him.  For in His gifts of expressed revelation He shall be found! To relinquish for even a moment any aspect of Him that He Himself doe not take or change is to relinquish Him in that aspect and to relinquish Him in any aspect is to relinquish Him Himself!   For He called to me and called me back to Him…  but having relinquished the aspect I had no way to return to Him till He came to me and asked me to take back what I had given up to Him…  when I did it was like night and day!  Night has ended and Daylight has come! 

Now to end this on a humorous note this morning as I went to the grocery store as if to underscore the hole deal I hear the rich tones of Barry White or Luo Rawls over the muzak singing “You’ll never find another love like mine”  ohhhh  I tucked away in an isle and listened laughing within and agreeing one hundred percent!

There can be found no other love like Christ’s in all its aspect!



Revelation chapter 12 is a loaded text with many happenings.  Recently I began to understand the terror and majesty of it all.  It opens with a woman in labor. Hs is the virgin spouse of the King bearing the “manchild”.   The example of understanding we have for this is in the birth of Jesus ….  Mary was virgin espoused to an heir of David and as such a potential king.   God prepared a physical body for His Son.  There are actually two things happening here.  One is the blessed birth; the  other is the obedience to the law of things spirit and material, at least this is what I shall call it for now.  For the thing or the being spiritual to effect action within the material world they MUST take on corporeal forms meaning they must inhabit flesh.  God being Spirit created apart from the Adamic genealogy a physical body to become the accursed and innocent pure and holy Savior of humanity.   Now when this manchild is born it is that body for the power and glory of the Lord’s fullness to be released.  This is the spiritual side of what was the physical.  Now the “virginal” unblemished bride bears the “child” whom the Father receives directly.  But the company of her labor is less than desirable.  Imagine ladies giving birth in front of the serpent of old that fiery dragon.  No support so help no ability to defend herself for who ever heard of a woman warrior fighting when she was in labor and delivery!   For remember the dragon the devil is the liar and the father of lies and the lord of discouragement. Yet she must have that baby she fights the good fight and overcomes… once the child is caught up (which I wonder if this is a rapture of a certain son shipped selection of the so called faithful but I cannot provide this so I merely interject and leave my dear readers to consider the possibilities)

After she is done our nasty dragon peeved at not making the catch of her offspring is now assaulted by the Prince of Israel and loses to the mightier foe.  Taking the third of the hosts with him he is expelled or as the scripture says cast down to the ground or the first heaven of the skies above us.  No longer prince of the power of the air he now has to bow to the law of God and in order to remain active in his assault of the Holy One the MUST INHABIT FLESH.   This is how antichrist begins his rise.   But what we don’t realize is that the second heaven was all around us.  These who know call it “The Ether” or Ethereal realm.  But there is now a statement from on high… the kingdom of God and His Christ is established basically and now…  heaven opens to us!  But for the other side who sought it the demons enter.

As it type I suddenly understand the darker side of a certain parable of Jesus.  He speaks of the man who had the strong man within and the stronger came in and plundered the original owners stuff and home.  Now time passes the former occupant going through so called dry and thirsty places or being incorporeal and unable to perform for his master and then eh thinks to check in on the former residence.  Now Jesus say he finds it swept order and…vacant!  Now seeing this un-owned property he goes along with the law of ownership….  Being the thief he is he re-inhabits and for added insult invites a few of his friends!  Jesus says the estate of the man in the last is worse than at first!   The question begs how did the demon get back in?  Now one was there that’s how.  This means that if we don’t invite the relationship and stay abiding in the Spirit who is the rightful occupant when the demonic comes round… well swept and ordered is fun to trash!

Now the real scary thing is that when he is expelled and the hosts with him they will be forced to seek shelter in humans and anyone not in the Spirit living and walking by the Spirit is fair game!

The caveat then is to abide in the vine of the Spirit of Christ and be connected so that in that moment of “switch out” God will grant us Joel’s prophecy in a Acts 2:8 on steroids!

Those who fit this description can be found described in detail in 2 Pet 2 and Jude.  They are the apostate who fell into Heb 6:4 and who are spoken of in Rom 1. Jesus called them rocks with no root into which the seed of the gospel fell and who received it gladly until the heat of persecution came and then they fell away.  Having no root in themselves rooting or grounding in the love of God that is.